OK…I’ll admit it…I’m a social networking junkie/whore (why is it that the terms that seem most relevant here are pejorative?) I’ve lost count of how many I’m on and I’ve been doing it since the ‘net was just a twinkle in Al Gore’s eye. Recently I became involved in a conversation on Biznik relating to the decision process people use to decide whether or not to add someone to their network. My criteria for accepting invitations/add requests/etc vary widely but relate specifically to the reasons I’m a part of that particular community.

I wear many hats in my roles on various social networks – sometimes I am acting on behalf of an employer or client…other times it relates to a particular professional or personal interest of mine. For work I’ve belonged (and in some cases still belong) to networks focusing on topics as diverse as surgical nursing, C++, SQL Server, business banking, Croc wearers, and Pokemon. Personally and professionally the topics range much further including living with cancer, Steampunks, books, comic books and cartooning, local history, entrepreneurship, startups, recruiting, competitive intelligence, librarians, school alums, user interface, and writing.

I’ve had my moments of going over the top – I once got thrown off Matchmaker.com for creating a profile of the ultimate Booth Babe in rhyming computer slang…but I did get a hire out of it ;-) . Certainly I’m a big fan of wit and humor when approaching people you don’t know, but want to get to know, and believe that a common interest can indeed act as an introduction. I’m also not opposed to networking with people I haven’t met in person. When I first was starting out as a consultant a number of my clients were people I met on Guy Kawasaki’s Rules for Revolutionaries mailing list. I met a business partner there and we created an online community website (this was 1999…we were unfortunately, a wee bit ahead of our time) without ever meeting in person, working primarily by Instant Messaging.

Here are my guidelines -

1. Social Networks are for creating connection and community. Look to thine own self first…for what you can give, not what you can get! Are you someone that others want to connect with? What have you offered to the community? What have you done/said that might attract others to want to connect with you? On Twitter I always do a quick browse to see if there’s a question I can answer, a recommendation or introduction I can make, a website I can point to, or a friendly nudge in the right direction. And, on the whole, this doesn’t mean always referring someone to my own website or blog. When I’m deciding whether or not to follow someone I’ll look at their recent tweets and see if they’ve done the same…or at least provided a good laugh!

2. Social Networks consist of human beings. If you don’t speak in a human voice, you’ll be dead in the water. There is nothing that makes me hit the delete button faster than receiving an invite/intro/add request with nothing but the canned lines in it. I don’t care if we’re in the same subgroup together or were in the same room with a 100 other people at an event or went to same school. Those are all good starts…but, like Meredith Grey, I want you to “pick *me*”. Tell me that a mutual friend thought we’d hit it off, or you overheard me telling a story and laughed so hard your martini came out your nose, or my last blog post was brilliant, or we met in a past life, or that *something specific* in my profile made you think I might be interested in your upcoming event.

I met my husband online. I had spent 2 years dating the dregs of humanity and was considering joining a nunnery. I signed up for a trial on Yet Another Online Dating Site and put up a profile that was quite specific about who I was seeking and pulled no punches explaining just what to expect from me. He wrote me a charming note, fully demonstrating that he recognized all my obscure movie and book references, that he enjoyed my warped sense of humor, that he “got” me and knew our connection was worth pursuing. I wrote back (from Seattle), “Dude…you’re in California! What are you thinking?” A few weeks later he came to visit and never left.

Online connections are like any other. They need someone to take the first step and both people to be open to possibilities. They need to be mutually beneficial. They take some investment to have them continue and grow. Every day I wake up in awe of who I might meet today, just sitting in front of my computer screen. For every person halfway around the world, there’s also someone just across town that you never would have known about without [insert your favorite social networking site here.] Know what you have to offer and what you’re looking for – then go for it!